Oathkeeper
by Luffel
Summary: [Traynor/FemShep] Sam should have known what it means to love Jane Shepard. The war agains the Reapers was more important than any of them. Sets in during ME3's finale.


Samantha Traynor shifted nervously from one leg to another and back again. It was only the metal door that left her separated from the captain's cabin, yet for the umpteenth time she questioned whether it was right to intrude like that.

It had been one hour since Shepard had retreated from the CIC, not before having ordered her crew to get whatever rest they could gain in preparation of the final assault. The Commander had been unusually ineloquent. Without sparing another look behind she disappeared into the lift and Sam's first instinct was to follow her partner, having witnessed how the stress had been gnawing on her since the attack on Earth. It was a no-brainer to see that she had been carrying the bulk of the responsibility in this whole mess.

If Sam was honest, her insides churned and twisted at the thought of the upcoming battle with billions and trillions of lives on the edge of being decided right there on Earth. And that was just her speaking from the position of a Communications Specialist, playing little to no part in the battle. She couldn't even imagine what it must be like for Shepard.

Which took her right to the current situation. There was this little voice in the back of her head, scolding her to allow Jane some space to bury her own selfish wishes of being comforted. Finally she gave herself a mental push and the door swooshed open. She spotted Jane on the other side of the cabin. The Commander was sitting at the edge of the bed and gave no acknowledgement of the arrival. It took Sam little effort to pick up the somber mood she was in.

"The fleets are mobilizing. Looks like it'll be a few hours yet. Comm channels are full. Not much to do now but wait." she spoke approaching her. This seemed to finally interrupt Shepard from her trail of thought and a playful twinkle appeared in her eyes. "So you thought you'd sneak in one last shower?"

Sam felt herself ease up at the familiar banter that played out between them. She could recall a shower or two that have indeed successfully relieved her stress in the past. Having her girlfriend participate in them might have been a key factor. It was almost magical how she could always calm her down so easily. And here she thought she would be the one comforting Shepard.

The younger girl sat down next to her and covered her hand with her own. Her voice matched the earlier playful tone: "If there's any hot water left." Then it switched back to a more serious manner: "Or… if you wanted some company."

Shepard seemed to understand and her gaze dropped, staring into the nothingness again. Sam's thumb gently stroke the back of her hand, patiently, making it clear to her that she would accept her choice in this. Offering, but not pressuring. She would give Jane space if it was that what she needed.

After a few quiet seconds Jane faced her again. "Will you stay with me? Until the call comes? I might go crazy if my mind is left alone any minute longer."

"I think I can manage that."

Their lips met midway and Sam scooted closer to gain better access, their arms instinctively finding their ways around each other's body. Even after all these months the young Comm Specialist still felt a flutter of excitement as she inhaled her red-haired Commander's essence, her mind going blank and her body starting to act on pure instinct alone. Their bodies sank to the sheets, but before Jane could go any further the other woman gently pressed a palm into her shoulder to guide her backwards. Then Samantha dove after her.

Shepard didn't seem to mind. They regularly enjoyed changing roles and in that moment it was what her girlfriend wanted to give to her. A night free of control, of decisions. She offered her to forget the world for the time being. And more than that, she wanted - needed - to show her the extent of her affection while she still had the chance to. Her lips found her Commander's again as she covered her body. The taste was heavenly; she felt like she could spend days doing nothing but exchanging kisses with Jane.

Their lips only parted when she pressed tiny pecks to Shephard's countless freckles instead. She always found her pale skin to look divine the way it was drowned in them. Even back when they were still just Commander and Specialist they took her mind to places that she was never allowed to think about. And Sam had always wished that she could be closer, that she could count every single one of them, rewarding each with a kiss. Against all odds she had eventually arrived at this very moment and allowed herself to do exactly as she had dreamed so many times. It was almost automatic when Jane's hoodie and top came off, giving Samantha the opportunity to explore the precious skin unveiled on her throat, her collarbone, her toned stomach.

Shepard drew a sharp breath.

That was another thing that drove Sam mad with longing. Well-defined lines all over the soldier's stomach, her arms, her legs told tales of a lifetime of military exercise. To her, Jane's body was a piece of art to be worshipped and adored for all eternity. A vessel that only came short to the beauty of the soul kept inside; those beaming green eyes holding so much warmth despite the horrors they have seen. That glowed with pride for every soldier under her command; that wanted to protect the whole galaxy no matter what species someone belonged to. The very eyes that never failed to make Sam feel special and unique and precious and like she was the most important thing in general. No matter what the reapers tried to unleash out there.

The warm body squirmed as the kisses began to run lower.

She savored the ragged breathing she caused and every gasp, every whisper of her name encouraged her to peel off another piece of clothing off her lover's body in order to give her the bliss she deserved. Even the scars were so typically a part of Shepard that she could never imagine her without. Every single one told a story of a life of battle, of choices, of horrors. And yet each made Jane the precious being that she was and that Sam could no longer imagine living without. She wanted this amazing gorgeous woman to feel loved and cherished forever. Reapers be damned.

 _"Samantha…"_

Eventually time lost all its meaning.

It was only later that they finally crashed down to rest among the tangled sheets, still caressing each other's smooth skin and smiling mindlessly at another. "You have no idea how much I needed that." Jane whispered. The other woman smiled broadly at the reference to their infamous game night. If only this moment could last forever. If only she didn't have to address reality again.

"How are you dealing with all of this?" she asked soberly.

"Like the world is about to end?" came the reply in a teasing voice still.

"And apart from that, Commander Smartass?"

Shepard took a moment to ponder. "Nervous. Horrible. And afraid, I guess."

"Which is probably the most common thing in this situation."

"That's not very Shepard." she retorted.

"I'd wager it's very human."

Shepard let out a breath in frustration. Her eyes always seemed to hold so much emotion yet she was unable to release whatever was bothering her. Sam fumbled to direct her face at her own and assured her: "Jane, I love you, no matter what happens down there."

"That's the problem." came the instant reply.

"Is it?"

And now she was avoiding her eyes again. "Samantha, if something happens to me on Earth…"

The unspoken implication hit her hard. Was that what had been bothering her? More than her own death she feared what it might mean for the younger girl? Needless to say that Sam wasn't horrified of that scenario herself, but for Jane to have so little regard for her own fate at this time…

"I know." Suddenly she had to fight back tears. "This war is bigger than us. Remember?"

Sorrow and guilt was all that stared back at her.

"I don't regret this. Us. Whatever happens-..." Sam whispered, barely able to keep her voice steady. "It was worth it. I would do the same all over again."

"I'll promise though that I'll put up one hell of a fight to make it back."

Was she seeing tears on Jane's face? It was becoming harder to tell with her own vision blurring. "Good. Because you can't just promise a girl the galaxy and then-" With that her voice broke and she couldn't contain the sobs any longer.

Gentle hands guided her face back up so that emerald eyes met her own. Indeed she had been crying too.

"Two kids. A dog. A white picket fence." she recited effortlessly and in good humor again, in sharp contrast to the image of a sobbing marine she presented right now.

The corners of Samantha's mouth twitched. "And a hot tub."

An eyebrow rose questioningly. "And now a hot tub? That's it, no more shore leave. It has been getting to someone's head."

"Let's say, my standards have been adapting."

Shepard rolled her eyes in exaggeration. "Stick to marine girls, they said. Civilians will take you to the cleaner's, they said."

"Marines, on the other hand, don't beat the crap out of their superiors at chess and don't assemble fully-functional QEC systems in their free time. There must be something about brainy lab girls that attracts the ladies." Sam retorted provocatively.

"And that fabulous brain of yours has saved our poor marine asses more than once now. So mark my words because I'll only make this offer once: For you I'd even afford a hot tub."

"You're so good to me for a Commander that nearly became job- and homeless in a single day." she laughed.

The playful banter had allowed both of them to calm down again. Silence descended upon them, threatening to lull them into sleep, yet Sam was afraid for this night to end. It might be their last one ever and her inner restlessness didn't let her find slumber right now.

After a while the redhead finally murmured again: "What are you thinking about?"

"Sushi..."

"Sushi?!" she exclaimed while trying to stifle a laugh.

The Specialist suddenly had to fight the blush rising to her cheeks over her mindless remark. "If there is one piece of Earth culture that the colony life lacked, it's good sushi. Studying in Oxford was like a revelation to me." she clarified. Then her voice turned cheeky again. "Pity about that sushi place on the Citadel though, would've liked to taste it." she added knowing perfectly well that Jane would never be able to live down that one incident.

The other one however accepted her humorous challenge and quipped back at her: "You should've thought about that when we docked at the Citadel before."

"In case you might not be aware, Commander, Alliance payment for a graduated Comm Specialist is dangerously underwhelming these days. Especially if that Specialist is trying to pay off a Cision Pro Mark 4 toothbrush at the same time."

"Well, I'm the goddamn Commander Shepard. I won't rest before I found and treated my girlfriend the best sushi on Earth once we're back. The British know nothing about decent food."

"If you pick up the tab I'll even accept hilariously bad delivery sushi at 2am."

"Deal. Bad delivery sushi it is. Payment is tight as an Alliance Commander if you're trying to pay off that Cision Pro Mark 4 that you broke during shore leave."

"Oh, I wasn't complaining. I'm looking forward to going somewhere nice with you for once. As long as it's not Vancouver, mind you." Sam replied sweetly.

"Do we have to bring the kids too?"

"As much as I treasure our little ones, darling, they'll stay with your stepmother for that night."

"My stepmother-..." A horrified look grew on Jane's face. "Why does life on a military vessel suddenly seem like a holiday in comparison?"

The idle chatter died down again. While cuddling lazily their eyes fell closed occasionally, only to open and meet again. Samantha had little grasp of the time or of the moment when she eventually dozed off.

When that dreadful morning finally arrived, it felt unreal to her and as if she had hardly slept at all.

Next to her the bed was empty and Jane was already fully dressed in uniform, her back facing her as she sat at the edge. Sam's naked form rose to embrace her from behind. Did she have nightmares again? Did she get any rest at all?

Jane gave no indication of it but turned her head to place a quick peck on her cheek instead. "Good morning."

She could only mumble in return: "Is it time already?"

Shepard hesitated and then gave a somber nod. The silence suddenly felt deafening.

"I promise," the redhead then spoke again. "I'll do everything to get back. No matter what it takes." Jane stood and withdrew herself from the bed.

These words would be carved into Samantha's mind forever.

"I know you will." she whispered.


End file.
